Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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