I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Im part way to drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
