Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
