I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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