dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
