he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
