I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
