First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
