A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
