Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i don't like sucking hair
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
