so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
