Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
