Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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