I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
