'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
