Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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