my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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