If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
