I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
