God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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