Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
