i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
there is puke in my bra ... again
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