Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
