just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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