I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
