I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
