there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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