why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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