Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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