and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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