at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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