He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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