dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
