The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
sex in a hospital.. check
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
