So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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