Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize