I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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