Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Randomize
