just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
