She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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