I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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