There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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