I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
