She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
