She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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