you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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