I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
