If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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