Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
