im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
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All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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