He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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