somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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