It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
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