Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
