he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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