she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
