so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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