I wannas sexs uuuuu
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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