My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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