6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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