Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
