you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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