Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
