There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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