And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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