I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
