sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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