apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
