she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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