Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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