if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
