I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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