You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
