you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
