i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
